What would I do if I was Chinese PLA

Posted: 14th March 2014 by th3j35t3r in General, Hacker Tracker

“Never interrupt the enemy while he is making a mistake” ~ Napoleon

UPDATE: I wrote this blog post on 14th March 2014, today is November 21st 2014 and somehow it’s finally become news. Keep up people.

First thing I want to stress here is this is a theoretical scenario, theoretical but entirely possible, if not probable.

In case some of you are unaware the Peoples Liberation Army of China has a special unit known as Unit 61398, the analysts over at Mandiant did a giant expose of them last year. I’m not going to labor on all the details as it’s out of scope for this post but, the skinny of why 61398 are important is that they develop and deploy all kinds of malware and other nasties for the sole purpose of infiltrating US systems. These systems are not confined to defense related boxes either. They are actively targeting US manufacturing and other commercial entities, with a view to literally stealing intellectual property. You can bet if Ford are designing a new vehicle the PLA probably already know about it and a vehicle that looks remarkably like our the new Ford, is already rickshaw-dodging around Beijing.

You grow up by making mistakes. I’ve made a ton of them, but as long as I keep on failing better, I don’t mind.‘ ~ Joely Richardson

BACKSTORY: Hands up, I made a mistake, and I really did too! But look at them dance round that fire.

As most of you know and have observed, this website comes under constant attack from ‘hackers’, skids and DDoSer’s.  At times it’s been a huge struggle both physically and financially to keep the damn thing up and running.

So about 2 years ago I stumbled across a ‘fake javascript command prompt’ on a some filesharing site, so I downloaded the RAR compressed file and had a peek inside. It contained a bunch of .js files and an index.html demo. I played around with it and added more functionality and commands (like ‘whoami’ and ‘joshua’) to it, and I have to admit it was pretty cool. I decided I could slap up here on the blog and get people who were trying to exploit the site spend hours poking around on that ‘filesystem’ thinking they were ‘into something they shouldn’t be’ rather than actually trying to hit my actual server. Think of it as a ‘sinkhole’ – I placed a subtle Pi symbol top right of my blog and just left it there. I think people had some fun with it. It was purely there as a gimmick and served no commercial value.

“It’s a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. One begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.” ~ Arthur Conan Doyle

Pre-amble: I have had years of people coming at me using sexual ploys to try and needle my true ID out of me – but this is the first time I have had someone come at me using my ‘dox’ to try and actually get sex. This is a hefty post so here’s a spoiler if you are short on time, you’ll get the skinny straight away, but I highly recommend reading this full post for context and completeness.

The first thing I would like you to take notice of here is the quote above, please bear in mind that I actually tweeted this exact quote out days ago when I started work on this particular blog post. My reasons for pointing this out will become apparent as you (hopefully) enjoy this latest episode of wacky. So what’s been going on then? Well it seems somebody has taken a little shine to me and is more than a little annoyed that, well, to put it bluntly, I have rejected her internet delivered aggressive sexual advances. Here’s the scoop:

So a couple weeks back I get followed by one @RachelMarsden – I briefly glanced at her profile and saw she appeared to be a National Security and Political commentator so I followed back. She almost instantaneously began to make aggressive sexual advances to me in Twitter Direct Messages while also insisting she knew my true identity. I get this kind of thing a lot, so I just blocked her as another troll/failed social engineer. Unfortunately I find myself blocking between 50-100 lunatics a day and so thought nothing of it.

Lots of you are aware that the laptop I used from 2010 to early 2013 now has a new home as an exhibit inside Washington DC’s International Spy Museum. Many people are wondering how the hell it got there, this post will address that question.

The International Spy Museum and friends expressed an interest in acquiring the laptop on loan for a period of five years, to be displayed under glass in their new Weapons of Mass Disruption exhibit. I thought this was such a cool idea. But I had to think about the logistics of getting it there safely and without jeopardizing my own position. It just so happens that one of my followers whom I have a great deal of respect for, offered to be (one of) the links in the chain between me and the museum.

I set about sanitizing the laptop both inside and out, including DBANning the SSD drive multiple times and ‘draining’ the RAM. I removed all serial numbers, drilled the torque screws out so they could not be removed and cleansed the exterior thoroughly to remove prints, etc.

With that done, I packaged it up and set about setting up a chain of 3 people, none of whom know my identity, to relay it to each other with the final link in the chain being in Washington DC, who was willing to walk it directly into the museum personally. Once this was arranged I waited until I was out of town on business with my day job before mailing it to the first link in the chain.

UPDATE: Since this post Joey Ortega has changed his Twitter name from @TheYellowTape to @BTYT_Radio in an attempt to distance himself … from …well… himself Lolwat? Yet continues to harass random people and their employers whom he mistakenly believes have connections to my real identity.

The poisonous, obnoxious, obsessive stalker known as NarcoTroll Emick famed for spending the last 2 years of her life hounding me, has FINALLY found a friend. It had to happen sooner or later, and I must say they definitely deserve each other. Both are failed ‘investigators’ both are parasitic trolls spewing lies and bullshit day after day in the hope that something eventually sticks, and most interestingly both are desperate for recognition or fame and they see me as a ‘trophy’ or something. They want to be the one who ‘got me’.

Here’s the sad story of how the NarcoTroll Emick finally found a friend.

It’s a little known fact that Joey Ortega AKA @BTYT_Radio used to approve of my intrepid adventures, so much so that popular culture might have even referred to him as a ‘fanboi’. This all changed after a fateful night a few months back.

So… About This Snowden Affair

Posted: 26th June 2013 by th3j35t3r in General, Wikileaks, WikiSneaks
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“Jesters do oft prove prophets” ~ William Shakespeare – King Lear, Act 5, Scene III. 

NOTE: This post has updates below since time of writing. My twitter timeline is bulging with my views and commentary on this whole Edward Snowden/NSA thing, yet everyday there’s a new person asking me ‘ So J, what’s your take on the Snowden thing’ – well here’s my goddam take on the ‘Snowden thing’. Be advised it’s just what I think, and to those waxing on about your freedom of speech, then I’m entitled to mine too and here it is.

Let’s start with Snowden Himself


Posted: 9th June 2013 by th3j35t3r in General
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“Capitalism has worked very well. Anyone who wants to move to North Korea is welcome.” – Bill Gates

To clarify, quantify and justify. Howdy folks. After much deliberation I have decided to bite the bullet and bow to the requests of many and open an online store. I am sure I will come into a lot of critique from the usual set of trolls, but what don’t they whine about?? In order to head off some of the inevitable bad-mouthing and naysayers, I’ll outline my thoughts on the matter at the end of this post, but beware it essentially equates to don’t like it – don’t buy it. Simple eh?

About The Store

I have chosen to open my store at ZAZZLE.COM (international buyers can use the links on the store footer).  I’ll be adding new stuff as time goes on, when I can fit in designing etc. Ladies please take note that all shirts can be customized into a ladies cut or color  and style via the item details page.

Menomonie High School – Unmasking Jester

Posted: 20th May 2013 by th3j35t3r in General

I have always tried to support education and those institutions and as you may have noticed I often do class interactions, particularly with students from Utica College and University of Southern Maine. I am often told of ‘case studies’ and assignment tasks that tutors from many places of education set for students based upon my antics. It is a rare occasion that  I ever get to see any of the papers, however a few days ago the following tweet popped up in my timeline:

I approached @MilkyCaramel014 and asked if I could take a look at his findings. It was a short paper and I think it was very well put together so in keeping with my policy of support for education, I asked for permission from him to post here on the blog and he kindly agreed. What follows is the paper (verbatim) – written for Mr John Kitzman’s Modern Military History class at Menomonie High School in Wisconsin, by student Dylan Jerald Harmston AKA @MilkyCaramel014


Open Letter to Twitter

Posted: 6th May 2013 by th3j35t3r in General

Dearest Twitter,

Firstly, I would like to commend you on a first rate micro-blogging platform and assure you I am very pleased with the service as a means to voice my opinions, and also a means to see others’ opinions and breaking news before mainstream media picks up the thread. Excellent stuff! However, I feel I must now write this open letter in good faith that you will at least look into addressing an ongoing issue that I have approached your support team in private about, but for which no solution has been forthcoming to date.

As you are fully aware, I have been using Twitter as my primary means of communication since day one of my conception over 3 years ago. In this time I have somehow gained nearly 50,000 followers, mostly made up of good actors, but the bad guys like to follow too just to keep abreast of goings on. I have spoken to your support team on numerous occasions with a request to be ‘Verified by Twitter’ and given the reasons I shall outline below. I feel that once you understand my reasoning for this modest request, and have facts available, you may be able to make a sounder judgement call on the matter.

I get an awful lot of imposters, who create twitter accounts with names very similar to my handle, who then copy my bio, background, profile picture etc  trying to pass themselves off as me. Here’s a small selection for your perusal:

Boston Marathon Bombing: Just a hunch.

Posted: 23rd April 2013 by th3j35t3r in General
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“When the shit hits the fan you’d rather be the fan than the shit.” – Falopians 2:83 (No offence Ladies)
Be advised: there’s a few updates you can’t miss after you read this post at the bottom. I’ve been watching the fallout from the Boston Bombing with great sadness and a deep personal interest. I have made a few observations, and that’s all they are. I will outline them below.

Please bear in mind this is just a theory, a hunch. But if it looks like a bus, and drives like a bus, it’s probably a erhhm.. bus. I am simply presenting facts and backing up with evidence. Your conclusions are your own. So, I have kinda had my spidey sensors out and all over this since the atrocity occurred and I started to get a whiff of something very stinky.

And it goes a little something like this.

Suspect Number #2’s twitter account is by now very well known, in case you have been living on the moon –  it’s @J_Tsar – So first thing to take note is a tweet sent from Tsarnaev to an as yet unidentified twitter user, who deleted his account immediately after Tsarnaev’s identity was released which was sent SIX MONTHS BEFORE the April 15th Boston Marathon, on August 10th 2012. The tweet indicates that there was at least 6 months planning went into this, and multiple personalities where at least aware of ‘shit about to go down’.